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Dine Ink Pen Cap Eating Utensils

Amazon.com $8.33

For all of you ridiculous workaholics...this item is for you!  You'll never even have to put the pen down during lunch because you can attach your utensils to them!  Brilliant, just brilliant.  This would also be a great gag gift to your boss if he or she doesn't give you more than a half hour for lunch! JK don't do that.

Perpetual Kid Underpants Dispenser

Perpetualkid.com $6.99

The moral of the story is...you just never know.  And luckily, in case you "never know" five different times, this disposable underwear dispenser has you covered (literally).  Not sure how I feel about disposable unisex undies, but for $6.99 I wouldn't mind wrapping these bad boys up as a gift. 

Menu Baggy Wine Coat

Amazon.com $69.99

Forget your designer handbag, because this is the new style in town.  Carry your wine with you wherever you go!  The rave reviews on Amazon's site make it seem like it is actually worth the $70...I especially like the guy who bought it for his grandmother.  Get it gurrrrl

Big Mouth Toys Presidential Election Toilet Paper

Amazon.com $5.59

Amazon.com $6.84

No need to be an annoying political activist anymore.  Share you opinion the simple way--by wiping your ass with your opponents face. 

Microplane Herb Mill

Microplane.com $19.95

One of the more practical herb cutting tools...me gusta me gusta.

SmartShopper SS-301 Voice-Recognition Grocery-List Organizer

Amazon.com $149.95

Necessary? No.  Awesome and futuristic?  Yes.  Just record yourself saying what you need and then press print for an organized list of groceries that you need.  The future housewife in me likes.

Umbra Aquala Bamboo and Chrome Bathtub Caddy

Amazon.com $39.99

This is sadly intriguing.  As a lover of all things baths, this product makes me wanna....get tipsy in a warm bath.  The center is also a book holder.  What more can you really want?

Reef Dram Sandal

Uncrate.com $45

Call me pretentious, but I'm not sure I'd be desperate enough to drink a liquid that I've been walking on all day.  Sure, sure, it's very inconspicuous at first...well, that is until you take off your friggin shoe, put it to your glass, and dump liquid out of it.  Still seems unsanitary to me.  I'll stick to a flask if I'm thinkin of sneakin'.

2500mAh Mobile External Power Battery Charger for iPhone 4/4S

Everybuying.com $10.52

Despite the cheetah print, this little gadget is pretty cool to have with you in the case that your phone dies and you don't have access to a charger.  But seriously, lose the cheetah and I'll consider it.

The Butt Station - Desk Accessory: Tape Dispenser Pen Memo Holder Clip Storage

Amazon.com $7.99

Start an uncomfortable workplace conversation with this gem.  Tape dispenser, pencil holder, post-it keeper, and paper clip magnet all in one.  Just lovely

Shwood Hand Crafted Wood Sunglasses

shwoodshop.com $135

Okay, so my cousin had a pair of these and I fell in love.  Then I looked them up and realized that the jump from $10 sunglasses from the streets of NYC to hand carved wood sunglasses for $135 was too much for me to overcome.  But they looked just in cool in person, if anyone is not too cheap to buy them :)

Etsy Handmade Crochet Beard

Etsy.com $16

Tired of having no facial hair?  Problem solved.  Order this handmade crochet beard from etsy.com!  You would be lucky to look half as good as the model in this pic while sporting the hot new crochet beard.  I really wonder if anyone has bought this item.  And I really really wonder if that person is a man or a woman.  Thoughts?

Chick-a-Dee Smoke Detector

Gnr8.biz $79

Aren't you tired of your old, boring smoke detectors?  Oh....you're not?  Well, if you were here is just the decorative touch you need.  A smoke detector shaped as a bird for only $80! 

SpinningHat Facebook "Like" Giant Foam Hand

SpinningHat.com 7 Euros

Ugh, giant foam fingers are so 90's.  Welcome to the Facebook "Like" foam hand...for times when your small thumb just won't get the point across.

Corn Kerneler Kitchen Tool With Stainless Steel Blades

Plowhearth.com $12.95

At first sight, I was not so sure about the usefullness of this contraption, but then with further thought, I stamp it with my seal of approval.  I hate eating corn, but I love eating corn.  I do not eat corn in public because it squirts and I just cannot do it without making my corn look like a piece of vegetable road kill.  Also, the child in me would want this for my family.  The end.

Custom Guitar Pick in Brass

Etsy.com $16

I'm a sucker for personalized gifts because well, they are personalized gifts.  They are not last minute.  They are sweet.  And they are cool.  And you can brag about how much the person who gave it to you loves you.  The end.  I love this.

PhotoJojo Wood Camera iPhone 4 Case

Photojojo.com $42

Another iPhone case for the hipsters that hate to admit that they have succumbed to the pressures of popular culture and have an iPhone.  Pretty cool though.

ThinkGeek Chumbuddy Sleeping Bag

ThinkGeek.com $199.99

Yet another $200 weird sleeping bag.  I'm not really sure this even looks comfortable

Typographic Text Map of the World Map, Art Print 18x24 inch

Etsy.com $24.32

So this is kind of awesome.  After years of looking at maps of familiar shaped countries, i was never quite sure of which was which.  This colorful print uses words to show where every country is...and it looks pretty freakin cool too.

Creative Cursing: A Mix 'n' Match Profanity Generator

Ebay.com $10.52

I personally enjoy the example of "ass waffle" in the picture preview.  I can't say this isn't intriguing, especially since I have been running out of original insults. 

Pizza Sleeping Bag

Etsy.com $200

Okay, $200 for a sleeping bag that you may use three times tops is a little unreasonable, but I can't help but thinking how freaking adorable a small child would look snuggle up under a layer of cheese, sauce, and mushrooms.  Just me?

FredFlare Casa Tissue Box

FredFlare.com $10

Again, a sucker for the adorable.  Not sure if I would actually use this thing, but it is cute.  Just place it over any small tissue box. 

FredFlare Juno Cheeseburger Phone

FredFlare.com $20

I'll admit, when I saw the movie Juno, that cheeseburger phone looked oddly appealing (maybe I was just hungry, though).  Considering I never even pick up my house phone anymore, this would be a waste of money for me, but I kind of want it anyway...just because...

FredFlare Magic Unicorn Mask

FredFlare.com $40

I know, I know, $40 to look like a complete ass (literally) does not seem worth it.  But to see people's faces as your walk around in this horrific costume may just pay off in the end...

Fred Flare Pop Art Color Camera

FredFlare.com $14

Okay, so even in the age of endless photo editing software, this Pop Art camera still looks awesome to me.  I'm almost tempted to spend the $14 in order to have blurry pop art pictures that I could have in minutes off of my phone.

FredFlare Portable Drink Klip

FredFlare.com $22

Clip this portable cup holder to any flat surface that theoretically you would also be able to place your drink on. 

FredFlare Like and Dislike Stamps

FredFlare.com $9.99

Tired of beating around the bush with positive or negative comments?  Cut to the chase with these Facebook inspired "Like" and "Dislike" stamps.  Don't let Facebook's denial of the people's request for a dislike button stop YOU from stamping others' work with disapproval.  Perfect for elementary school teachers. hah.

Solar Window Charger by XD Design

thefancy.com $89.99

Should I go on a $90 shopping spree or should I get a device that will allow me to charge my phone by the power of the sun?  Well, if you have the money, I guess it's a non-issue.  This pricey, yet cool looking device is great for impressing your friends and staying connected during power outages or during those times when you just can't get to an outlet. 

Contigo AUTOSEAL Kangaroo Water Bottle with Storage Compartment, 24-Ounce

Amazon.com $12.99

Okay, this is another idea I can get behind.  I trust no one in the gym. I see you gym-goers on your cardio machine looking at my pace and time. Stop it!  Unless I'm going over 7 mph, you're not allowed to look at my machine.  Sneaky mofos at the gym.  Perfect water bottle to keep your stuff close :) 

Container Store Plug-In Charging Shelf

Container Store $14.99

Okay so this little ditty is something I can get on board with.  If I hear my mother tell me one more time to pick up my phone because she is going to step on it, I'll flip.  Keep your phone out of harms way!  I like it.

Victorio Kitchen Products 571B Banana Slicer

Amazon.com $8.48

So convenient!  Because bananas were always the hardest to cut out of all the fruits/vegetables.  A $9 waste of space...but evenly sliced banana pieces?

Shitter: Twitter Feed Toilet Paper

go to getshitter.com for this gem

Do bathroom trips frequently take away from your precious social media time?  I'm sure for 50% of us the answer is no, because we Facebook/Twitter on the toilet.  But for those of us who are too classy to do that, all your social media withdrawal problems are solved with Shitter: your own personalized twitter feed printed out on four rolls of toilet paper mailed directly to your door.  You can wipe your ass with all your friends' stupid comments, rants, and everyday activities and thoughts.  What more could you really want?

iPhone Screen Finger Smudge Stopper

Apparently it's 5 for $3?

Are you completely anal and ridiculous?  Then this is just the product for you!  Keep your iPhone looking like new with this finger smudge stopper.  Phone ringing?  Don't answer that!  Let me get my smudge stopper.  Text message?  It'll have to wait...Need the smudge stopper!

Cat Lift...Yes, A Lift...For Your Cat

Approximately 800 Euros? Worth it...Freshome.com

A necessity for all cat lovers with more than one floor in their homes!  Check out the video demonstration at the end of this post.  This is sadder than the chair lifts on old people's staircases. 

Water Powered Clock in Bottle Shape, Green No Batteries Required Just add water

Amazon.com $14.95

 

Don't have a clock?  Don't have a phone?  Don't have batteries?  Don't have power?  Then this is just the thing for you!!! Never worry about not knowing what time it is, because this water-powered clock will always keep you informed!  Bring it to the office for your desk, keep it on your nightstand, or just place it in the cup holder of your car!  Thank god for this invention because I don't know how I would have known the time otherwise.   Also, are you supposed to drink the water after?  Not sure, someone please inform me.

Prodyne Fruit Infusion 93-Ounce Natural Fruit Flavor Pitcher

Amazon.com $19.99

Don't you just hate when you have fresh fruit in your drink?? Want the flavor but too cheap or righteous to buy flavored water? Can't squeeze your own lemons? Enjoy the fruit infusion pitcher..........I get it, but I don't.

Jokari Baggy Rack Storage Bag Opener and Holder

Amazon.com $5.72

Okay, this I can somewhat see the use for.  I will admit I've had a lot of messy experiences while trying to transfer food from one place to the other, but instead I've invested in this groundbreaking mechanism called a tupperware. 

Misto Gourmet Olive Oil Sprayer

Amazon.com $9.99

Maybe I'm too into processed foods, but this just seems like a complicated way to avoid using Pam cooking spray or smothering butter along a pan to avoid stickage. 

Amco Rub Away Bar

Amazon.com $6.95

Oddly enough, this strange metal soap bar is the one thing I really want.  Maybe it's because I don't know how to chop things properly, and cutting onions causes me to get all up on them with my hands.  Consequently, my hands smell for days causing me to question a lot of things about my cleanliness and just general bodily odors.  This metal soap bar may be the answer to my prayers.

Chef'n StemGem Strawberry Stem Remover

Amazon.com $7.42

Is it just me, or doesn't this gadget look way more threatening than a knife?  I guess cutting off the whole top just doesn't do the job for some people, so this is necessary.

Williams-Sonoma Star Wars Cupcake Stencil Set

Williams-Sonoma $9.95

Okay, so this is pretty cool, and I'm not even a Star Wars freak.  I'm not sure I'd get enough uses out of it to spend 10 bucks, but I'm sure there are millions who would...

Spilt Milk Splash Cereal Bowl

Amazon.com $15.95

Do you see how happy this kid is?  You can be this happy too if you think your milk is about to splash on you all through breakfast.  I'm confused as to why the child feels the need to hold the cereal bowl so close to him when there is a table right in front of him.  Looks unstable.  Seems to me this bowl has inspired him to want some actual spilt milk...

Cocktail Umbrella and Coaster Stand

Amazon.com $18.02

Sorry, Birds, no pooping in my drink today! Wait, has that ever actually happened?  Well, these coaster/umbrella shields are great for...giving your beverage shade while protecting the durable outdoor table from getting rings?  Yeah, still trying to figure it out.

Westminster Butt Face Towel

Amazon.com $13.62

Towel-sharers, no more need to fear!  The Butt Face towel is here!  To be honest, I never thought about wiping my face with a towel that may have previously wiped a butt, but now that I am thinking about it...I just...need this towel.

Big Mouth Toys Naughty Pigs Salt and Pepper Shaker Set

Amazon.com $9.89

New homeowners fear not!  Spice up your housewarming party with this set of humping pigs salt and pepper shakers.  In-laws coming?  Perfect.  The sad thing is that most guys I know would buy these if they saw them.  The sadder thing is, I want them too. 

Big Mouth Toys Red Cup Shots

Amazon.com $6.31

Okay so these seem totally worth it to me.  Maybe it's the soft spot I have for my college days, but the red solo cup is something that is near and dear to my heart.  Shot pong anyone?

Big Mouth Toys Toilet Mug

Amazon.com $10.80

This is something I would definitely give as a gift.  If you go to the Amazon page for it, you can really see the various uses for this classy item.  Grow a plant, make an ice cream sundae, even float some small candles in it!  As ridiculous as those options sound, they do sound better than drinking any sort of brown liquid out of it.  Gross, but awesome.

Jell-O Bear Mold

Amazon.com $9.95

No, it's not a giant, gray, zombie gummy bear.  It's a mold for your homemade Jell-O!  This made me realize what every party is missing....a huge jiggly gummy bear laying on a plate.  I find this more morbid than biting off the heads of the gummy treats.

Camouflage Cabinet Refrigerator

Kitchendesigns.com

Don't tell anyone I have a fridge in my house.  They CANNOT know I have a fridge in my house!  This ridiculously large refrigerator masked as a kitchen entertainment center is just what every house needs.  Tacky refrigerators have got to go.  I don't even want to guess at the price of this.